One of my most common answers I give when asked about how to overcome writer's block is that usually you are not encountering a block, rather trying to avoid a massive elephant in the room internally. There is something which is top of mind for you that you do not wish to address.

That was the case for me with “Dead to Me”.
As the lyrics suggest, I wrote this song during a period of intense jealousy/anger.

I wrote the song as a part of my routine on weekends. In the mornings, I will rehearse some pieces and put down a new idea. Could be a hook, a verse, a few lines. Just to have a backlog I can pull from when I need to write a full song and take down ideas as they happen in my day to day life.

First, I put the chorus and start of the first verse down, and called it done.

When I sat back down to write a full, separate song that afternoon, I realized what was top of mind for me hadn't changed, and if I wanted to finish a song that weekend, this new idea would be the one I would be able to pull the most raw material from inwardly, so I decided to flesh it out.

In the topic wheel of tracks, relationship songs are not new for me, but jealousy specifically was one I had not touched on. And I always welcome an opportunity to add something new. I hate to become too repetitive if I can help it.

I have also observed that of my songs that have done well, they've often been practically journal entries from my personal life. The stories is compelling, as hard as they are to re-tell at times.

The one thing I am still thinking through is how I feel about viewing my lived experience partially through the lens of what will make a good song. 

When most other people go through jealousy or interpersonal struggles, they don't think “man, I bet I am so emotional right now, this would make a great fucking song.”

I could say I have been processing my life through writing since I could hold a pencil, but I don't find that answer satisfying enough. 

If I figure it out, I'll be sure to include it in the write up for a future song.

Given the title and subject matter, I want to be abundantly clear: I am advocating for exploring your own feelings and processing them, not lashing out against others physically or otherwise.

And indeed, I wrote the lyrics in such as a way as to emphasize that I was being metaphorical. Jealousy is a powerful emotion, but I am very much saying dead to me to underscore the fact that I would like to cut ties with this person, not harm them.

And the recurring intro section reinforces the point that this is an internal struggle. I am either turning to work to avoid it, or sitting in the frustration that there is no retribution to be had. 

“Been workin’
Just to escape

All this temper
With no tantrum

All this anger
With no action

How can I
Be mad at ya

When you turn
The tables backwards?”
 

Because that's just the thing. This was a transparently casual and non exclusive arrangement. There was no wrong-doing, no matter how much I didn't like what was going on. And I had done my fair share of the same.

The song says “Every night I lay to rest I see, everything you've almost said to me”  because in fact, nothing was ever even explicitly divulged to me. It was almost said, and that was enough to trigger that reaction.

And given the person in question listens to my music, I am sure my explicit lyrics say a lot more than they almost did. Which is why I included in the second verse:

“Is this 
How it feel?

When my songs
About the others

All up in your ear?

And you see me
On the screen

With one
Standin’ near

And you wonder
To yourself

If its actin’
If its real?”

I also partially drew inspiration for this from a show I just finished watching about the life of Vicente Fernandez called “El Rey”

In the show, Vicente gets cast in a movie where he has a love interest, and has to deal with jealousy at home over their on screen interactions.

As an artist, its easy for me to separate what is done “in character” or for the camera, but I cannot imagine it being easy to watch from the outside looking in. 

The producer Mike Lakes made the beat for this song.
I went out to Music in Focus studio to have it recorded, mixed and mastered.

I booked the session on short notice, so I did not get a vocal coach in to make sure I nailed the singing, but I hope I did a decent job.

I chose the image of a burnt match for the artwork to represent how holding onto anger will deplete you. (BTW, I am always looking for graphic designers to feel free to reach out ! @SinSpokenWord)

Dennis filmed the video as always.

We shot at trinity river, one of my favorite places on earth. The cloudiness was pure luck since we did not plan the shoot around the weather. But I love the gloomy look for this song.

Hope you enjoy the track!

Talk soon,

- Sin